The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize