How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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