She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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