So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize