When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
