My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Two words: blizzard sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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