Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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