Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize