i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
