I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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