Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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