He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
