Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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