my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
