just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
