We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
