all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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