Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she told me i tasted like america
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
