my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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