see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
