we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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