I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
handjob tips. give me some.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize
