i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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