The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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