somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
