hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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