im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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