I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize