You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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