I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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