At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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