And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
