I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize