I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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