you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize