i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
