what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
