we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
