this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
