i was rollin on her like bob the builder
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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