I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
