oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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