Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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