That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
