Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
