i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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