Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
