I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
