My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
