i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
