question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't deserve a penis
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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