Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
