Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
