I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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