My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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