What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I didn't notice because vodka
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
