is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
