I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
