So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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