His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
