Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
