I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
