Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
