he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
