whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
