It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
