my vag is so smooth its legendary
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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