it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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