I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
