You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
