So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
