I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize