So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize