I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
