8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
