I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize