Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
